"Speak now or forever hold your peace in pieces."
Remember the times where I hated you for existing? Remember our petty quarrels and fights that started because we didn’t like one another? I’m glad all that has changed now.
Thinking back to our only childhood, you were the most radiant and most adorable little girl I have ever seen. Your luscious locks and chubby cheeks captured everyone’s attention. I used to be our parents’ little girl, until you came along. I guess that was what made me hate you so much. In my younger days, I tried my very best to love you, but many times I ended up bullying you until you cried; the worst being the time I pinned you to the floor and spit on your face because you refused to budge from the Playstation 2. You cried like there was no tomorrow and I felt horrible. I gave you a bath after that and hugged you tight afterwards. Up till now, the memory of what I did brings slight tears to my eyes (my chest has sunken to the bottom of my rib-cage and my body turned cold just by remembering and typing this too). I don’t know if you remember that incident, but I remember it very clearly. I remember how afraid you looked and how much you cried. Out of my 18 years on this earth, doing that to you was my biggest regret.
I’m glad that we have gotten closer, especially these past few days. I thank Adventure Time With Jake And Finn. That cartoon never fails to gather us both in front of the television. You’ve opened up to me, and it’s like we’re on the way to being best friends. Exactly what I need; a best friend in the house. I apologize however. I apologize for all the times I have never been there. I know you’ve told our mother on several occasions that I spend more time with my boyfriend and my friends, and I am truly sorry for that. I try my very best to be a good sister, but no matter how many “I love you big sis” cards you give me, I always feel like I am coming up short. I am supposed to set an example for my only younger sibling, yet I don’t seem to always be present. My heart aches every time I come back home and see you fast asleep on our double-decked bed. There is so much tranquility in your face when you sleep, and every time I look at it, I start to regret all the times I have mistreated you.
While I’m typing this right now, I’m watching you study Mathematics for an upcoming examination, which I know you will ace. I have always underestimated you, until one day you came home with news that you got 2nd in class. I was really proud. I didn’t know how to express it though, so I came back home with a new Rilakkuma bag for you which I hoped you will love. Even though you might outgrow that obsession, I just thought I should let you know that my sudden urge to buy you a gift was a significant moment in my life. It made me realize that this is it; this is the sisterly instinct I have been waiting to come by my whole life. That day I realized that yes, I do love my little sister.
And I don’t mean it in an incest kind of way. Ew, definitely not. But the “I will punch you in the damn face if you hurt her” kind of sibling love. And right now, I know you’re into Miku Miku Dance, The Sims and all things cute and you probably wouldn’t even know this post for you exists, but I do hope that one day, when you’re a teenager and you’re feeling bored, you decide “Hey let’s see what my sister left online!” and you stumble upon this. I am writing this for the future you. Some gentle reminders to get you by. Maybe by the time you read this, I might be married and living in another house, but here goes.
You’re a good girl. I know you are. Despite your occasional rude remarks, deep inside I know you didn’t really mean it (or did you?). I just want you to know that I love you very much. Even if I don’t show it often, I really do. You’re the only other person that our parents have left to rely on. I wasn’t much of a good daughter, I realize that and I admit it, but I don’t want you following after my footsteps. Do you have any idea how happy you make me when you reach home from school and you come sit beside me to tell me about things that bothered you? I’m glad you’ve learnt to trust me more.
I’m sorry for all the times I treated you like a maid and a slave. I’m sorry for all the times I told you to take and do things for me while I sat my lazy ass down doing nothing. I’m sorry for all the times I mistreated you, hit you, shouted at you and scolded you. I’m sorry for all the times I lost my patience towards you. Thank you for putting up with my horrible attitude these past few years. Starting from now on, I hope things will change.
It took me a while to realize how lucky I am to have a little sister; how lucky I am to have YOU as a little sister. Up till now, I always have to fight the urge of crying every time I look through pictures from our childhood. How fast you’ve grown up. How fast we’ve grown up. I was so young, I didn’t know anything. I didn’t cherish those years the way I was supposed to. I let it all slip past me so quick and unknowingly. Oh what I’d do just to go back in time. Remember that I am always here for you when it seems like no one else is. That’s what sisters are for. We’re tied by blood and bonded by heart. Make me proud in the future. I love you, Raaiqa.
P.S. — Yes, I am aware I wasn’t the cutest or most good-looking child. But I don’t look like that anymore okay!